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mood |
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music |
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"my paper heart" - aar |
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Fuck. Everyday SOMETHING drama-filled has to happen. It's fucking ironic. I feel like I live in a god damn soap opera, rotfl.
Kelly and I got into a really stupid fight today. Over something really dumb. It was my fault. I started it. I swear, when I'm jealous or insecure, a whole nother person takes over my braiiin. No, really. Ughhh.
I was just talking outta my ass. I was saying the most retarded things... like, "You don't really care about me, if you did you'd do this/that blahblahblah. Do what you want, I don't care." Yeah. I wasn't nice, ok. And like.. it's like it's not me saying it. When I was saying that shit, I felt like I was watching myself on a TV. kshxkhe It's weird. Point is, I hurt her. Do you know how horrible that is? I'd do anything for Kelly. I'd destroy anything that might hurt her, in the smallest way. But oh, look. I hurt her. What do I do? ...I don't know. I don't even want to talk about it.
We made up within the first 10 minutes... It's like after I have my stupid word-tantrum, I turn normal again. It's fucked up. I hate it. I hate that I'm like this, and that I freak out over the stupidest things just 'cause I'm a jealous fuck. I wish I could just say "I'll never say anything like this again, I promise." but I can't. 'Cause I don't know what the fuck that was, that was making me say all that. Well, I DO know. Jealousy/insecurity, but like.. it's not like I can just make it go away. Fuck it.
Kelly. I know I've said this a million times tonight, but I'm SO sorry. I know that you're still hurt and everything, and that you're not going to forget what I said. But I'm sorry. :\
Know what? I'm in the weirdest fucking mood right now. Half of me is really happy, and half of me is emo. Ew, I don't like it. I don't know what the fuck I'm saying.
I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost Kelly. Well, yes I do. I'd die. Go ahead, say I exaggerate or that I'm whipped. I don't really give a shit. Kelly is my world. She means everything to me. Man.. I can't even begin to express how deeply in love with her I am. There's no object or word that could show you how much I love her. At this point I know for a fact that nothing can tear us apart. Why am I still insecure, you ask? I don't know. But I do know nothing can break us up, and that we're going to be together forever. Oh, and to any guys that think they love her, and decide to write it on bracelets and proclaim it to the world... fuck off. You don't love her as much as I do, nor will you EVER. As immature as that sounds. :) And oops, I'm never letting her go, so you might as well give up. Peiceofshit.. Moving right along...
Hmm. About all of my entries, since I've gotten with Kelly have been about her. Hurr, that's amusing. I wonder how many people really read this. Must be boring, considering your name probably isn't mentioned anywhere in here. :P I'll stop that soon. And they're all either one/two liners, or they're 329734394 words. Ahahah. :)
Kelly's staying till the 10th, so that's good. :D I'm thrilled about that.
Today (or yesterday.. whatever) we did a stupid press conference. I HATE them. Die. ..I don't feel like writing about it, oops.
I'm gonna go sleep. In my bed. With Kelly, if she's there. :\ I don't even know. Eh.
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