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Okay so maybe I'm just over sensitive or something but .. I don't know, so many things have been pissing me off lately and just .. fuck, I never say anything about it. I'll never say anything about it. It's not healthy to keep it in, right? Don't care.
So I thought taking a break from one thing would help me .. I don't know. I don't know what the fucks wrong with me, but its something and it's driving me fucking insane. :) Oh, and I'm realizing I probably fucked up one of the best things I've ever had in my life 'cause I'm stupid and I don't know what I'm doing. God, lifes peachy. Point is, nothings resolved and I feel even more shitty than before.
Everyone's like "Oh Joel, you can talk to me about anything, blah blah blah." No, I fucking can't. There are things I just can't talk to people about, and wow, it's definitely just ended up hurting me in the end. I wish I could talk about it, but I'm confused myself as to what I'm feeling, or whatever. There probably are people I can talk too, but I doubt they give a shit. Too wrapped up in their own drama-filled lives.
And woo, now I feel like only one thing makes me happy anymore. And I've lost that. Gone. Seriously, I just want to slap myself and ask if I'm ever satisfied. I SHOULD have everything I want and be content with my life, but no. I insist on complaining about this stupid shit that no ones even going to understand or even know what I'm talking about.
Shit like this makes me so fucking bitter. So I'm leaving. Thank god we have off 'cause I honestly cannot take it anymore, and I need to be away from everyone. Do I want to be away from everyone? Not from some people. But then again, everyone's in their own little world with whomever and all happy and shit, so no one will notice. I'm being really selfish, I know. I don't care. I don't think I care about anything anymore, which is really sad. Which is why I'm leaving.
I probably will not be around for the rest of the week or until I feel like it. Don't ask where I've gone, 'cause I won't tell you. Oh wait, you can't. Can't call my cell either. You'll understand when you feel like this one day, and you just want to be alone.
PS Nobody fucking say anything like I'm trying to get attention or anything like that, 'cause many of you have stupid ass vague entries every other fucking day about dumb crap, YOU'RE the ones that want attention, k. I never do this. Never have. I wouldn't even have posted this if I didn't think our manager would send out a search party for me, so I don't miss any appearances or some shit. Whatever we have, if anything, I won't be there, thanks. :) I'm not trying to get sympathy or any shit like that, which is why I'm disabling comments. Not like anyone would give a fuck, anyway, 'cause ooh, we all have our own shit going on.
So I don't care any more either. Peace.
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weird